For a moment she expanded her consciousness outside of herself: the clubs now a few blocks behind her, the slowly moving traffic as it cruised the street, the laughing, snuggling couples in their infinite combinations of boy-girl, boy-boy, girl-girl that seemed unique to this part of town. It was this last that simultaneously lifted and broke her heart. She loved seeing people happy and especially loved that here, at least, all couples felt free to engage in public displays of affection.

But again her own newly uncoupled status slammed down until the breath was knocked out of her and her knees threatened to buckle from the sheer force. She withdrew her awareness from the surrounding world and stopped in her tracks, leaning heavily against the outer wall of the pharmacy to her right as she tried to find her breath again.

Instead she noticed the borders of her vision collapse in on her, a tingly sensation in her face accompanying the sparkles dancing on the tunnel edges of her sight. She panicked for a moment, her head becoming lighter as she tried to take in more oxygen, barely conscious that she was breathing too rapidly and shallowly, but unable to find a way to correct her hyperventilation.

A hand touched her shoulder and she glanced up, aware for the first time that her leaning body was doubled over, her arms curled up against her stomach, her eyes directed at her annoying shoes. A face swam into view. A handsome face with blond spiked hair and wide concerned green eyes.

"Honey, are you okay?" a distant voice asked as his lips moved just slightly out of sync with his words. That moment of distraction from her head and her pain served to begin the regulation of her breathing again. The world widened, her now numb face regained some of its lost feeling. She nodded, tried to tell the kind stranger she would be okay in time, but her voice came out in a croak. It was then that she saw, next to her Good Samaritan, another man - dark haired and dark skinned and dark eyed, equally handsome, equally concerned.

An instant panic washed over her again as she was seized with an urge to tell the young blond to run away, leave his dark beauty before his heart was broken too, because everyone's heart was broken in the end. Especially now that he had touched her, her unhappiness would spread. But she caught herself, found her voice again - the low soothing voice that he had once loved - and responded, "I'm fine, thank you." Just like a good little member of society should.

The Adonises (Adonii?) looked at each other, then looked at her and shook their heads in unison. "No, you're not," said the dark one, his exotic looks a perfect counterpoint to the all American boy next door countenance of his companion. And young, so young they looked to her nearing 40 year old eyes.

She shook her head in perfect, if unconscious, imitation of these beautiful boys. "No, really, I'll be okay."

"Of course you'll be okay," agreed the blond, "but right now you're anything but fine. Come on, let's get some coffee in you." She then noticed his hand still on her shoulder as he turned her back the way she had come. She wanted to stop them, tell them their concern was touching but unnecessary but the vigor of their combined kindness propelled her down the sidewalk, as did the arms they had linked in hers.

In a secret compartment of her heart she admitted to herself that it felt good to be commandeered by these gently forceful gods, to be taken care of, however fleetingly, by people who didn't know her, didn't know her history and hadn't heard the long sad story a million times over. Hell, all they saw was a woman in emotional pain and that was enough for them. A needle of comfort pierced through her suffering.

Besides, she thought, she didn't want to be rude, did she?
- posted by Carol Elaine @ 1:27 AM